by ~YOB


by =Twilight-Veil

Both featuring my Averylla. Averylla's been a bit quiet on the equine scene for a long while, so she's happy that she got some love this Christmas!
(I think if I don't draw her myself soon, she will disassociate herself from me, flounce off and move in with ~YOB who has drawn her about 10 times, which is 9 more times than I have managed lmao.)

Tomorrow begins five days of what will hopefully be some serious catching-up artwise. I have a few more gifty-type arts that I must wrap up before the New Year. After that I intend to shut down Painter for a while and get back to real paintbrushes. I will be working on improving my painting techniques and skills, hopefully doing lots of little studies and bits like that. Also I'll be concentrating much more on wildlife art. I didn't manage to complete my 100 Birds challenge this year sadly... (okay I know I still have 6 or so days left but I'm not going to get 60-something pages of sketches done by then!) I feel a bit pants about it, but got to cut myself some slack... work has been hard lately.

Meanwhile during 2010 I will be partaking in ~helekri's Equine pARTy challenge, which will involve one equine-based study, sketch, painting or whatever kind of art every fortnight. Just so I don't forget which end of a horse is which

Then I'm back to work on 1st Jan. Oh whoop.
My obvious enthusiasm just exploded forth from your screens and knocked you all out right there, didn't it? Sorry about that. I'll try and keep it in check, but it's so hard, you know.

Now I'm going to tell you something, because I'm not sure what to do and maybe some advice would be good.
I kinda like somebody. I like him quite a lot. Like, the kind of like where they are pretty much the last thing you think about before you fall asleep, and the first thing in the morning... That kind.
(Actually some of you old-time watchers from the days where I spilled all my woes in this journal may be rolling your eyes at this point because I actually find myself feeling like this very often, and it always ends in tears. But stick with me.)

I think he may like me too. I seem to always get my wires crossed when it comes to this part. But without saying what exactly, all I will say is I have a feeling that I might be right this time.

But because I have been wrong about this so many times in the past, and been hurt and knocked back and all that fun stuff, I find I can't stop rebuffing him. Like I don't want to give anyone a chance to hurt me so I reject them first. And I'm kicking myself for it now, because there goes another Christmas on my own. Then the next, and the next... and he'll have given up before then.

Thing is though I want to be absolutely 100percent dead certain that I'm not going to get hurt or end up feeling stupid before I can let anyone in again. But how will I know?

He is the loveliest bloke you could ever meet, everyone says it. And he's been nothing but nice to me as long as I've known him (which is a fair few years now). But I found out a while ago, even that means nothing. Some guys can act as nice as pie at first and still turn out to be self-centred dickheads. I don't have a lot of trust or faith left anymore.

I wish I could talk to someone IRL about this, but I can't even do that because it would get back to him and I really don't want that.
And I can't say much more in case someone I know finds this... ugh it's so pathetic

I just hate the idea that I might be potentially knocking back somebody who might actually be able to give me what I've been looking for for such a long time.

As the Weezer song goes,
"How stupid is it, for all I know you want me too, and maybe you just don't know what to do..."

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Hope you like